On Being a Wedding Guest: Thoughts From the Other Side

I spend almost all of my time on this blog talking about what it’s like to plan a wedding. The posts on this site cover everything from wedding inspiration to frequently asked planning questions. Since this blog started out from the perspective of a bride (me), it’s continued to run in that general direction and when people send me things I always immediately think, “That’s nice…but what would a bride think of that?”

This past week, however, Kyle and I took a trip home to Ohio for the holidays and while we were there, we were able to attend the wedding of two of our friends. These friends had traveled down to Orlando to be guests at our reception when we got married and it was fun to trade places and celebrate their big day with them. It got me thinking, though, about the fact that I should probably stop enjoying the wedding with a “planning bride” mentality and start enjoying it with a  “wedding guest” mentality.

So I did. Here’s what I learned:

It’s all about the love. 

Even though it’s only been a week since the wedding, most of the details have already escaped me. (And, remember, this is coming from someone who’s in the wedding business.) The thing that really stands out about the day is that the couple looked like they were having a wonderful time and all the guests were so happy that they had gotten married. Melissa’s dress was beautiful, but I couldn’t remember what it looked like until I looked up the Facebook photos.  I think she might have had a flower in her hair, but I have no idea if she was wearing any jewelry. Instead, when I try to think about what she looked like at the wedding, I see her smiling at her new husband. So maybe the other stuff matters just a bit less than we think it does…

It’s nice to have something to do. 

Like many weddings, the ceremony was in one location and then we drove to a different location for the reception. After arriving at the reception, we had just a bit of a wait while the wedding party took pictures and whatnot, so we had some time to kill. Most of the people we knew at the wedding were in the actual wedding party, so we ended up being seated at a table with some people my husband hasn’t seen since high school. It was nice to do introductions and make some small talk, but after a while we hit that awkward point where we had run out of things to say. Luckily, we were saved by the various distractions that the bride and groom had provided. There was a place to sign the guest book, a place to grab some veggies + dip, a cookie bar for browsing and nibbling, a photo booth with props for creating memories, and an open bar for everyone who wasn’t pregnant. Needless to say, we were quite happily entertained until the bride and groom arrived.

Big centerpieces aren’t always better. 

I’ve written a few posts about how centerpieces need to be themed and visually stimulating and multi-textured and tall, etc., but this wedding made me wonder if I’d been misled. The centerpieces at the reception were simple: wine glasses filled with strands of battery-operated holiday lights on silver trays surrounded by flameless votives and a scattering of fake rose petals. There wasn’t much to them, but they were quite lovely and didn’t block anyone at the table from making eye contact. Best of all, they were quite entertaining late in the evening when everyone had had a few drinks and the battery-operated strands of lights were repurposed as necklaces, headbands, halos, and belts. It reminded me that at our Ohio reception, I ran out of time and had to fake centerpieces at the last second by scattering votives and diamond confetti around on the tables. I thought people would be disappointed with the lack of flowers. My friends (most of whom have professional degrees) were entertained by melting the confetti into the candles. I suppose sometimes it’s not the height of the centerpiece that counts, but rather what you can do with it after a few drinks.

Sometimes people are just over it after a while. 

Our friends did everything they could to make the reception comfortable. There was lots to do, plenty to eat, a well-stocked bar, and a DJ who took requests all night. Even so, half of the people at our table bailed as soon as the cake had been cut and they could gracefully bow out. It occurred to me that the reality was that people just might not want to stay and celebrate for whatever reason…and that might have absolutely nothing to do with the wedding or the happy couple. So perhaps the struggle to make the reception perfect for everyone isn’t worth it. After all, at the end of the night, there were still about fifty die-hard wedding guests rocking out with the bride and groom and they seemed to be the same close friends and family who made it to the open house held by the couple the next day. The rule seems to be: if you have it, they will come and (no matter how perfect or imperfect you make it) the ones who really, really love you will stick around.

And, just for fun, a few images from this happy night: